When random strangers say stupid things!

It's the day before my youngest birthday party. Not only have I been prepping for that, but I decided to take the boys shoe shopping for school, which was a bad idea because I HATE shoe shopping with my kids. Its not like they act up or anything, but it's just a tedious task with a lot of micromanagement which I don't like, so I'm not in the best of moods when I hit the grocery store.

I get through my list in relatively short order and am standing at the checkout enjoying the few free minutes of letting my mind check out. A lady, a yoga instructor pops into my line of vision and offers me a business card and a spiel about her classes she is offering. I say "no thanks" partly because I'm not interested and partly because I don't want to be bothered. She continues on with her spiel. Again I say "no thanks" and she replies "Are you sure? You'll lose weight and THEN (my emphasis) be healthier and look better"

Now I didn't see any mirrors around, but I'm thinking I looked a little something like this.

In fact in retrospect, maybe more like this...

But whatever...I'm sure I gave the Did-you-seriously-just-say-that? look.

Resisting the urge to freak, I said in that voice you have when you're trying to restrain yourself, so you sound very calm and creepy at the same time.

"Not that it's any of your business, but my health is great and, I already look great."

She started to trip over herself to try and amend what she said, but I had had enough and using a phrase from my vast vocabulary I've received working with kids, I said,

"I don't want to talk to you anymore." I turned away so my body language was very clear that this was the case and what became of her I don't know.

A few seconds later, the cashier and an elderly woman told me that I looked lovely and she had no right to make those comments to me.

It got me thinking though, how many times, do we hear "you'd be so beautiful/healthy/smart/ambitious if you lost more weight..." And how many times do we hear it unsolicited from people who have no business saying such things? Are these much different than "catcalls" and street harassment? For crying out loud, I'm doing a grocery shopping, I'm not asking random strangers for opinions on my health or appearance.

People, if for some reason you feel tempted to comment on another person's appearance, unless its genuinely complimentary (ie I really dig the colour of your hair, that's a great dress, I LOVE those shoes!) consider where it is coming from, because I can guarantee you that it's not out of a loving place. It's from a place of judgment, that you are somehow superior to this person to make negative comments about them at first glance. It's from a place where your self esteem makes you feel uncomfortable because chances are, that person already looks great, but that confidence is challenging your norms and instead of understanding why it is challenging you, you lash out. And let me be clear, that insecurity, that judgment, that negativity is going to adversely affect your health and well being far more than my weight.

So there!

Scooby Don't

New kerfuffle floating around the online world and media. Scooby Do has done a Scooby Don't and I gotta say, I'm pretty annoyed with the whole notion that fat=cursed/bad/unlucky/pretty but...etc.

So in the made for DVD movie, Daphne gets cursed from a size 2, to a ginormous size 8. This is what a size 8 looks like by the way, at least in Warner Brother land.

Oh, the horror!

So if anyone has any doubts about the negative messages women receive from a very young age that fat=bad, here's a good example.

The average size of a woman in North America is a size 12, which doesn't even come close to this, not that this is bad or cursed, but children...let me repeat CHILDREN are blatantly being told that a size 8 is fat, and we all know that fat is a curse because it's bad. So now a size 8 is fat (and it's not limited to Scooby Do, I've seen growing numbers of "plus sized" clothes where the model is an 8). This is disturbing since it's widely regarded that fat=bad and the pool just got a whole lot bigger. On the other hand, more people to rage against the machine and while it shouldn't get someone of a size 8 to get people to take positive body image seriously, I'm willing to receive all the help we can get.

I see a lot of parents of young girls who are appalled naturally for the direct marketing of this message in a show about a really stupid and annoying Great Dane (sorry, was never a Scooby fan) as a parent of young boys, I'm equally as annoyed. I have been trying to instill in them a healthy body image because more and more, men are also being targeted by the whole ideal body image train. I'm also trying to teach by example that fat women are not somehow less than. I'm not less than smart, capable, ambitious, hard working, funny, pretty, pretty awesome, the list goes on, simply because I weigh more. I don't want them to buy into this notion that for a woman (or man) to be awesome s/he has to be skinny. Needless to say, I will not be buying this DVD. I'm also annoyed by the notion that being cursed automatically means your hair goes curly, but that's a whole other blog.

My dress size is not a curse, it's a dress size, it ends there. I'm not bad, I'm not unhealthy-not that it's any of your business, but it's one of the first things that pop into people's minds when wanting to criticize my weight, I'm not lazy, stupid, wildly uninhibited or boring. If society is so obsessed with a number on the back of my clothing and unwilling to look at me for my many merits, there is a big problem and it's not the size of my ass

The Swimsuit

Build your bikini body, have a swimsuit body, make your body conform, blah blah blah. We've all heard and seen the ads, we're supposed to go on super diets and fitness regimes to wear a swimsuit before summer. DON'T YOU DARE PUT ON A SWIMSUIT WITHOUT LOSING UMPTEEN POUNDS! Is what it's really getting at.


I don't get it really. I'm there to swim, soak up some sun, play with the kiddies, what difference does it make how much I weigh? I guess it's an affront to the eyes of people who are very heavily invested in one notion of beauty, but really, those people can suck it up and make that great effort to turn their heads elsewhere.

I know so many women who spend years, lifetimes doing everything in their power avoiding doing activities they enjoy because they don't have "the body" for it. I'm of the mind that if you can do it and you enjoy it, then go for it, you don't have to look a certain way to do it.

That said, if you're like me and enjoy glamming it up a bit, there's no saying that there is a size restriction on that. There are millions of great swimsuits and bikinis that will look great on women of any size. You don't have to be a size 4 to enjoy the beach, pool or party and you definitely don't have to be a size 4 to look great at doing so.

Trying to glam it up a bit.