Act beautiful!

So I'm going to share a video, and I apologize in advance because it had me blubbering like a baby, if you are a big softie like me, then break out your tissues. You've been warned.

 

I think the reason why I started crying is because how many times do we look in the mirror and we're unhappy with the way we look? And worse still, we equate it then with who we are as a person. So if we're unattractive by conventional standards, it means that we are somehow less than a great person. It bothers me to think that so many awesome women (and men for that matter!) look in the mirror each day and feel miserable because they believe how awesome they are is linked to a conception of beauty that isn't even real. It's manipulated with makeup and lighting and crazy diets and computers. Most importantly, it focuses on the outside of us, our shells.

Now I'm going to share a quote by the late, the great Maya Angelou.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

If at the end of my life, all I've accomplished is this quote in a positive way, I'll consider myself an accomplished woman. And to make this happen, you don't have to be a certain size, have a certain hair or skin colour, you don't have to be rich or famous, all you have to do is be kind. Sure, inspirational, funny, brilliant, strong, but ultimately kind.

When I saw this video I looked at these women who looked at themselves and were so unkind when rating their appearance. Then after seeing the montage of their loved ones telling them what wonderful women they actually were, they felt like a million dollars, and none of what was said (at least in the video) had anything to do with how they look.

So the lesson is to me anyhow, beauty should not about how you look, it's about how you behave, how you think, how you share, how you live. Kindness is perhaps the biggest key of this and the first step is being kind to yourself, because chances are, if you were in this commercial for this band and you wanted to scroll to "looking like crap", you'd have a whole slew of people ready to tell you just how beautiful you are. Beauty is not appearance, it's action.

When random strangers say stupid things!

It's the day before my youngest birthday party. Not only have I been prepping for that, but I decided to take the boys shoe shopping for school, which was a bad idea because I HATE shoe shopping with my kids. Its not like they act up or anything, but it's just a tedious task with a lot of micromanagement which I don't like, so I'm not in the best of moods when I hit the grocery store.

I get through my list in relatively short order and am standing at the checkout enjoying the few free minutes of letting my mind check out. A lady, a yoga instructor pops into my line of vision and offers me a business card and a spiel about her classes she is offering. I say "no thanks" partly because I'm not interested and partly because I don't want to be bothered. She continues on with her spiel. Again I say "no thanks" and she replies "Are you sure? You'll lose weight and THEN (my emphasis) be healthier and look better"

Now I didn't see any mirrors around, but I'm thinking I looked a little something like this.

In fact in retrospect, maybe more like this...

But whatever...I'm sure I gave the Did-you-seriously-just-say-that? look.

Resisting the urge to freak, I said in that voice you have when you're trying to restrain yourself, so you sound very calm and creepy at the same time.

"Not that it's any of your business, but my health is great and, I already look great."

She started to trip over herself to try and amend what she said, but I had had enough and using a phrase from my vast vocabulary I've received working with kids, I said,

"I don't want to talk to you anymore." I turned away so my body language was very clear that this was the case and what became of her I don't know.

A few seconds later, the cashier and an elderly woman told me that I looked lovely and she had no right to make those comments to me.

It got me thinking though, how many times, do we hear "you'd be so beautiful/healthy/smart/ambitious if you lost more weight..." And how many times do we hear it unsolicited from people who have no business saying such things? Are these much different than "catcalls" and street harassment? For crying out loud, I'm doing a grocery shopping, I'm not asking random strangers for opinions on my health or appearance.

People, if for some reason you feel tempted to comment on another person's appearance, unless its genuinely complimentary (ie I really dig the colour of your hair, that's a great dress, I LOVE those shoes!) consider where it is coming from, because I can guarantee you that it's not out of a loving place. It's from a place of judgment, that you are somehow superior to this person to make negative comments about them at first glance. It's from a place where your self esteem makes you feel uncomfortable because chances are, that person already looks great, but that confidence is challenging your norms and instead of understanding why it is challenging you, you lash out. And let me be clear, that insecurity, that judgment, that negativity is going to adversely affect your health and well being far more than my weight.

So there!

Scooby Don't

New kerfuffle floating around the online world and media. Scooby Do has done a Scooby Don't and I gotta say, I'm pretty annoyed with the whole notion that fat=cursed/bad/unlucky/pretty but...etc.

So in the made for DVD movie, Daphne gets cursed from a size 2, to a ginormous size 8. This is what a size 8 looks like by the way, at least in Warner Brother land.

Oh, the horror!

So if anyone has any doubts about the negative messages women receive from a very young age that fat=bad, here's a good example.

The average size of a woman in North America is a size 12, which doesn't even come close to this, not that this is bad or cursed, but children...let me repeat CHILDREN are blatantly being told that a size 8 is fat, and we all know that fat is a curse because it's bad. So now a size 8 is fat (and it's not limited to Scooby Do, I've seen growing numbers of "plus sized" clothes where the model is an 8). This is disturbing since it's widely regarded that fat=bad and the pool just got a whole lot bigger. On the other hand, more people to rage against the machine and while it shouldn't get someone of a size 8 to get people to take positive body image seriously, I'm willing to receive all the help we can get.

I see a lot of parents of young girls who are appalled naturally for the direct marketing of this message in a show about a really stupid and annoying Great Dane (sorry, was never a Scooby fan) as a parent of young boys, I'm equally as annoyed. I have been trying to instill in them a healthy body image because more and more, men are also being targeted by the whole ideal body image train. I'm also trying to teach by example that fat women are not somehow less than. I'm not less than smart, capable, ambitious, hard working, funny, pretty, pretty awesome, the list goes on, simply because I weigh more. I don't want them to buy into this notion that for a woman (or man) to be awesome s/he has to be skinny. Needless to say, I will not be buying this DVD. I'm also annoyed by the notion that being cursed automatically means your hair goes curly, but that's a whole other blog.

My dress size is not a curse, it's a dress size, it ends there. I'm not bad, I'm not unhealthy-not that it's any of your business, but it's one of the first things that pop into people's minds when wanting to criticize my weight, I'm not lazy, stupid, wildly uninhibited or boring. If society is so obsessed with a number on the back of my clothing and unwilling to look at me for my many merits, there is a big problem and it's not the size of my ass

The Swimsuit

Build your bikini body, have a swimsuit body, make your body conform, blah blah blah. We've all heard and seen the ads, we're supposed to go on super diets and fitness regimes to wear a swimsuit before summer. DON'T YOU DARE PUT ON A SWIMSUIT WITHOUT LOSING UMPTEEN POUNDS! Is what it's really getting at.


I don't get it really. I'm there to swim, soak up some sun, play with the kiddies, what difference does it make how much I weigh? I guess it's an affront to the eyes of people who are very heavily invested in one notion of beauty, but really, those people can suck it up and make that great effort to turn their heads elsewhere.

I know so many women who spend years, lifetimes doing everything in their power avoiding doing activities they enjoy because they don't have "the body" for it. I'm of the mind that if you can do it and you enjoy it, then go for it, you don't have to look a certain way to do it.

That said, if you're like me and enjoy glamming it up a bit, there's no saying that there is a size restriction on that. There are millions of great swimsuits and bikinis that will look great on women of any size. You don't have to be a size 4 to enjoy the beach, pool or party and you definitely don't have to be a size 4 to look great at doing so.

Trying to glam it up a bit.

Plus sized no more.

It's weird when in today's society, being fat is so reviled, that there are people who are still fighting to be considered plus sized. There is a bit of a brou haha with model Robin Lawley who launched her plus sized pretty swimsuit line Swimsuits for All. You can see her in the yellow bikini on this site. She looks lovely, and she is what the fashion industry and the real world considers plus sized. Though the argument can be made in the real world, she'd qualify as an average.

She's been kicking up a stir because she's lost a bunch of weight. Her choices, her reasons, none of my business. However then issue is, do you still get to call yourself plus sized if you aren't. In model world, she can be a size 8 and still plus sized, whereas in real world, she's well under that. Needless to say, anyone with half a brain knows that model world has some serious issues with body diversity.

A lot of people are upset because she was still representing as plus sized. The reason being is, if what she is now is considered as plus sized, then is there a new norm of what is "healthy/skinny/beautiful"? She's upset because she doesn't feel like she can win, she's clearly gone out of the plus sized market and has caused some disappointment. I can understand that, as us fat girls have very few representatives in the beauty industry. This gives more weight into equating fat to ugly, so to lose someone kinda sucks. Then again though, she's clearly not plus sized.

I think another issue in what I see is the commercialization of plus sized. More and more of us women are becoming aware that we needn't go on a diet and become a size 4 to be pretty. We are starting to embrace and dare I say love our bodies and fashion is starting to have to adapt. With online shopping, we can pick out an outfit and look just as awesome as those not in our category. This is great for people who love shopping as much as I do, but it too has a pitfall. The plus sized model. I've noticed that many of the models have similar body types. They may have some extra weight on them, but it's concentrated mostly in the boobs and butt area and you don't see chubby knees, or larger arms and certainly not a hint of double chin. And the worry I have is, that went you go onto a site like Swimsuits for All and see Robyn Lawley with a not plus sized body modeling, there is a wee bit of a problem. I see a model who made a name being a plus sized model and excellent for her, but she's retaining that status and making money off it, even though she no longer fits there.

Is it okay to do that? Is it okay to use a below average sized body to market plus sized swimsuits and gear to women and girls? Given that eating disorders on an epic rise, is it responsible? I dunno, personally, if I were to become a model (they just haven't discovered me yet lol) and ended up losing weight, I'd resign as a representative for plus sized people. It's strange because no one would think twice about someone resigning from a political party, or non-profit if someone found themselves in conflict with the overall message of that organization, but it's hard to put it into words with this. I think because we're not talking about beliefs, we're talking about image and while all in all, it can be considered a vapid subject, battle lines have been drawn and women who are fat have to constantly prove ourselves smart, pretty, funny, ambitious, hard working because of our image. So to have someone who no longer has to fight that battle to say they still represent, is a bit frustrating to say the least, especially when they know exactly what that battle is

Catchy Tune

If you're interested in body issues and think that it's okay to be plus sized and still be considered pretty, smart, ambitious...HUMAN, you've probably heard Meghan Trainor's song "All About That Bass" making it's rounds. If not, here you go.

Truth be told, I love it. It's catchy as hell, love the visuals and love the message that you don't have to be a size 2 to be considered desirable. There is a little part in the lyrics I have a problem with:

"I'm bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
No I'm just playing I know you think you're fat
But I'm here to tell ya
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top"

I get the jist of it that everyone regardless of size has been told in some way or another that something is wrong with them, I am just really uncomfortable with the whole separation of fat and skinny in the first place. A lot of plus sized campaigns seem to rely on sorting out women as well. "Real women have curves" we've all heard it. Dove has made a mint off their "Real beauty" campaign which somewhat exploits the whole real women have some curves...mind you the same company sells Slim Fast and products for skin whitening...So maybe only so many curves and you have to be light skinned to be a "real woman".

notice how none of the "real women" are really all that thin

While there no doubt is a heavy heavy bias against women who are size 14+ in the media and girls (and boys) are fed images of the ideal body from a very young age, we needn't willingly separate ourselves from other women. A backlash against this notion needs "hey, plus sized people ROCK!" not negativity such as "real women have curves". Because as we all know, there are plenty of women who fit into a size 2 and they're pretty real. They may diet and work out like crazy to get there, or they just might be naturally skinny. If you can talk with them, smell them, poke them with your finger, THEY'RE REAL! Not all of them have an eating disorder, just like not all of us plus sized folks stuff cheeseburgers into our mouths.

So, I do think its important to highlight that there is an uneven scale as to what constitutes beauty and strength and fitness and smarts, I think we can do it without even jokingly referring to other women as other. It ends up saying that we're insecure and hateful and really I'm not. I love my body, I tune out whenever the discussion turns to weight loss with my friends, only to interject every now and then randomly "You're beautiful!!!!" which my friends think is weird, but so be it. I don't hate other women because of their bodies, I don't compare myself to other women and I don't think anyone else should despite what the media tells us.

Fact is, that we're all in this together. Fat women are told that they are unattractive, skinny women are told that they are unattractive. Black women need lighter skin, white women need to not be so pasty. Asian women need bigger eyes and curly hair women need to straighten their locks. Really with all those mixed messages, who the hell knows what the media wants us to look like anymore. The only thing that is wrong is the message that is trying to be sold to us and for that, one group can't afford to make enemies of any other group, we stand fat, skinny, short, tall, black, white, curly, straight whatever we look like together.

 

Going to the Gym to Gain.

This is my good friend Mary. She texted me last week to submit herself for my awesome page. As such, she gets a prize, cause she's the first....not sure what, but something. lol

Mary Crossfits the hell out of Crossfit. It's a challenging regime and Mary has been killing it. She also has a demanding job, a busy social life and an awesome loving family, whom I personally feel honoured to know and call friends.

Mary writes:

"Not a beautiful pic, but it makes the point after doing Crossfit for 8 months. I've lost inches but not lbs and I feel great...in the pic I'm dead lifting 225lbs, a personal best. I think its a powerful and positive message to share...it can be scary going to the gym where everyone has six packs and can do things you only see in YouTube videos, plus being able to do the same exercises as 20 year olds."

Well Mary, I think it is a beautiful pic, it also sends a message to so many people who go to the gym solely to lose, as opposed to gaining. Give me gaining confidence, a sense of accomplishment and super strength any day!

Many thanks Mary!!!

xoxo